


Should I Feel Guilty?

by Rochester



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bodyswap, Dubious Consent, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, F/F, F/M, False Identity, Fantasizing, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Masturbation, Multi, Other, Pining, Porn With Plot, Rough Oral Sex, Shower Sex, Sibling Incest, Sleep Groping, Smut, Some Humor, sort of? maybe?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 12:38:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13857951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rochester/pseuds/Rochester
Summary: An experiment goes wrong, and Pidge finds herself trapped in Shiro's body. She wants to swap back, of course... but in the meantime, her curiosity gets the better of her...Soon, the team will stumble on Pidge's body-swapping machine. Curiosity, temptation and unresolved sexual tensions might soon overwhelm them - but how long before it gets weird?(Spoiler: It's going to get weird. And... confusing.)





	Should I Feel Guilty?

Pidge looked into the mirror and saw Shiro’s face staring back at her.

Pidge opened her mouth in shock, and watched Shiro’s reflection scream.

***

When Shiro first approached her with the request, Pidge was worried, frightened, and just a little bit excited.

“I don’t want to worry anyone,” he said, lowering himself onto the edge of her bed. “But if I’m a danger to the team, I want to know. Could you close the door?”

“Eh- yeah Shiro, of course,” she said.

The dark note in Shiro’s voice caught Pidge by surprise, and she set down the book in her hand. Untangling her pretzeled legs, she reached over for the door controls. Her bedroom door swished shut. She felt the shift in air pressure as the room was sealed, and heard the sound from outside cut off. Even after all this time, being this close to Shiro, alone, made her chest tighten.

As soon as the door was shut, the military stiffness went out of Shiro’s stance. He let his face fall into his hands with a deep sigh, and Pidge dismissed all other thoughts.

“Pidge, I’m sorry to put this on you. But until I know if I should be worried or not, I want to keep this quiet.”

Pidge shook her head and took back up her position on the bed. “It’s alright Shiro, if I can help, I will. Is… everything okay?”

Shiro massaged his temples, dragging his thick fingers across his skin like through putty.

“I don’t know… if I’m the real Shiro. I feel real. I have all of my memories – or at least, all of Shiro’s. I love this team like my family, and I hate the Galra for what they’ve done to it. But I feel wrong, somehow. I need to be sure.”

He tapped his skull with a hard metal finger.

“I need to be sure that my thoughts are coming from in here, and staying in here. I need to make sure that I’m not some sort of clone, or that the Galra don’t have some sort of link still in my head. Pidge, I need you to find some way to make sure.”

Pidge listened to him in silence. When he finished, she pushed up her glasses, more to give herself a moment to think than for any other reason. She didn’t like to see Shiro like this, and knew already that she’d do anything to help fix it. But another side of her brain was already whirring into life. What he suggested wasn’t just concerning, it was a unique challenge. It was… exciting.

“You got it,” she said, nodding. She picked up her book, closed it, and threw it away onto her desk. “I’ll do anything I can to help.”

“Thank you,” Shiro answered, holding her gaze for a moment with his dark, sad eyes. Then he knocked his fist against the bedframe and rose to his feet, smiling like his normal, optimistic self. “There’s probably nothing to worry about, but it’s better to sure,” he said.

* * *

“Alright Shiro, are you ready?”

Shiro nodded, and dislodging his headband. Pidge scowled. Leaning over the bed, she fussed over it until satisfied that it was in the right place.

“I told you not to move your head,” she muttered, as she turned back to double-check her computer readings. “I’m basically about to scoop out your mind for a virus-scan here, do you want to mess that up?”

“Sorry,” said Shiro, who took extra care not to move his head as he spoke. He lay flat out on Pidge’s bed, with a veritable jungle of wires sprouting from contraptions and connections strapped around his head, all far too complicated to name. With the door shut, the air seemed thick and tense. Shiro’s breathing was slow and regular – so slow and regular, Pidge recognized, that it was artificial. He was trying to stay calm.

“If I’ve done everything right, this should only take a few minutes,” Pidge said. She lifted herself to the stool in front of the computers, and reached for a headset of her own. “And don’t worry, I’ll be there with you the whole time. It’s just the same as how you share your brain with your Lion – I’ll be tapping into your psychic field to make sure everything goes fine.”

“It’s alright, I’m ready,” Shiro answered. He wasn’t even looking at her – he seemed to be saying it to herself.

Pidge pulled her headset down to her ears, grimacing as a lock of her hair got snagged in the metal. Occasionally glancing over at Shiro, she flicked through options and safety checks on her monitor until the experiment was ready. As she did, she became aware of a slight electrical buzzing coming from the machinery around her head.

“Alright, get ready. Staring the experiment in 3, 2, 1…”

“It’s going to be okay,” said Shiro.

***

“It’s going to be okay,” said Shiro.

Pidge frowned. That wasn’t like Shiro to say out-loud.

Suddenly she realised he hadn’t said it; He’d thought it. The words had started and ended in his mind, but suddenly it wasn’t just his mind – it was both of theirs.

Pidge shuddered as she felt something like a hot ice-pick pass through her brain. A rush of sensation flushed through her, filling into every crack and corner of her mind. She felt dizzy as the world seemed to bend and contort. She had double-vision, but in the most extreme possible way. She wasn’t just seeing double, she was seeing everything Shiro saw, over-layed onto her own vision. She heard everything he heard, she felt everything he felt. She felt his fear, his worry, she felt the cold of the metal against his skull. She felt his love for the team, and his love for her – pure, overwhelming, endless and innocent. She felt his love for her as if it was her own, and realised that he could feel hers.

On the screen beside her, Pidge saw the machine working. The electronics squawked a shrill, rising cacophony.

ESTABLISHING PYCHIC LINK…

ESTABLISHING PSYCHIC LINK…

ESTABLISHED

…

…

PHASE ONE COMPLETE

…

…

BEGINNING PHRASE TWO

ISOLATING PSYCHE…

Pidge heard the monitor beeping, and a fraction of a millisecond later she heard it again through Shiro’s ears. Shiro wrapped his fingers tight around the edge of his stretcher, and Pidge felt the tension in her own hand.

Suddenly, with a sensation like falling, Pidge felt Shiro’s mind being pulled away. She felt it floating, lifting away from his body, and the sensation was so alien that she hardly realized what was going wrong – her own mind was being pulled too.

“Wait. This is wrong…” she thought, and heard it echo in Shiro’s mind. “This isn’t supposed to happen… I’m not supposed to…”

Pidge felt her mind leaving her body, and felt herself fall, fall, fall, falling forever into eternal winds, tethered to Shiro all the way.

And then Shiro’s mind was gone.

And she was falling alone.

***

Pidge woke up with a pounding head and a blinding light in her eyes, and groaned.

She was lying down, somehow, and felt her head resting against something hard. In an obscure, far-away sort of way, she heard her machines beeping frantically.

Of course, she realised. She’d just been tossed out of her own body like a loose sock out of a trouser-leg. Without her mind to keep it upright, her body probably flopped forward and spilled off the computer stool. She really ought to have thought of that.

Though of course, she shouldn’t have had to.

Groaning, Pidge propped herself up on her elbow. Her body felt strange – sluggish, awkward. Moving felt like operating heavy machinery without a manual. Her head ached terribly, and she reached up to massage her forehead.

Her fingers were cold and hard against her skin, and Pidge yelped. She bolted upright, and as she did, cracked her head against the low roof. Scowling, she rubbed her skull with her other hand. Her fingers touched the metal headband, and she shook it off.

Pidge was pretty sure the roof wasn’t normally this low. Or, for that matter, this colour. It took her a moment to realise why – she was staring up at the inside of her bunk. Somehow, she was back in her own bed.

Shaking her head in the hope of loosening up some brain-power, Pidge dropped her legs over the side of the bed. There was some sort of terrifying understanding forming in her mind, but her brain was keeping it at arm’s-length.

Something must have gone wrong, that much was clear. She must have overloaded her headband somehow, and knocked herself out. Shiro, considerate as he was, must have tucked her into bed until she woke up. That would explain why everything was so… off.

This nice delusion lasted a few seconds. But then Pidge looked down, and saw something that looked disturbingly like her own body sprawled out on the floor, headband still in place. More than that, Pidge saw what ought to be her body, and realised that it all looked wrong – she was taller, her clothes were darker, and her arm was made out of metal.

Feeling that terrifying understanding slipping free, she stood up and stumbled to her mirror.

Pidge looked into the mirror and saw Shiro’s face staring back at her.

Pidge opened her mouth in shock, and watched Shiro’s reflection scream.

***

Pidge didn’t know what freaked her out more – the fact that she was in Shiro’s body, or the fact that Shiro didn’t seem to be in hers.

The body that Pidge recognized as her own lay crumpled on the bedroom floor, unmoving. Supressing panic, Pidge stooped down, rolled her body onto its back, and searched for a pulse. When she didn’t feel any, she almost panicked – until she realised she was using Shiro’s metal hand. Grumbling to herself, she swapped hands, and was relieved to find that her old heart was still beating.

“Shiro?” she asked, prodding the body’s shoulder. “Shiro, are you in there?” The words came out in Shiro’s deep voice, in what was a thoroughly surreal experience.

A quick once-over confirmed to Pidge that her original body was still very much alive. She was breathing and her heart was beating, and when she poked herself in the eye, it blinked. It was a thoroughly creepy experience. Even still, when she pulled up her eyelids, the amber eyes beneath were blank and unseeing. The body was alive, but Shiro was nowhere to be found.

“This is bad,” Pidge thought to herself. “This is really, really bad.”

It was a bizarre experience to look at her own body from the outside. From Shiro’s point of view, she looked so much… smaller. She scowled at the thought. At the same time, that outsider’s perspective was a blessing in a way. As she inspected herself, Pidge began to notice things that never quite occurred to her before. With some surprise, she noticed the way her jawline ran, the way her eyebrows angled, the way that her glasses perched half-way down her nose.

Whether because of the outside perspective, or something about occupying Shiro’s brain, Pidge realised something about her normal body.

She was… pretty.

Or, handsome?

She didn’t know which, but either one fitted.

Frowning a little at these narcissistic thoughts, Pidge tried to focus on the problem at hand. She had to find Shiro’s mind, and swap them back as soon as possible – but, before that, she had to pick herself up off the bedroom floor. She fully intended this out-of-body experience to be a temporary holiday, and she didn’t want her body full of aches and pains when she got back.

It was time to put herself to bed.

Stooping beside herself, Pidge scooped her body up into her arms and lifted it. She marvelled, as she did so, at how easy it was. Shiro was strong – his arms lifted her like she was nothing. Fighting a little against her out-of-date proprioception, Pidge stretched her body gently down on the bed and, just for good measure, covered herself up with a blanket.

Looking down on herself once more, Pidge stalled. Here she was, essentially, watching herself sleeping. And she was… beautiful. Pidge had an image of herself in her mind, generally, and it wasn’t a great one. She tended to see herself as some sort of short angry bushy-haired bespeckled Gremlin. But now, seeing herself through another person’s eyes, she realised something. That image was entirely accurate -but at the same time, she was beautiful. Or, handsome. Or, whatever.

Pidge felt an unfamiliar sensation begin to form in Shiro’s body, and frowned. She felt an overwhelming urge, out of nowhere, to reach down and touch her body. Shiro’s human arm stayed right by her side, but the metal arm, apparently, had a bit more independence. Before she could stop herself, she reached down and stroked her own cheek with one metal finger.

“What the heck are doing,” she asked of herself.

She couldn’t begin to explain why she had just prodded herself, but the sensation in Shiro’s body had only grown. Shuddering a little, she tried to supress it – but this was a new body, with new instincts and new hormones, and they hit Pidge like a run-away shuttle. Conscious of a sudden tightness in her chest, Pidge reached out with her other hand – with Shiro’s other hand – and very gently put it on the body’s chest. Bewildered at herself even as she did it, she ran her fingertips over the fabric of her shirt, and felt the outline of her bra beneath.

` Pidge felt a twitch in her pants, and realised suddenly what that mysterious sensation was. With a yelp of disgust, she snatched back her hand and shook it frantically, the way she might do if a spider had just crawled onto it.

“What the Quiznak!” Pidge hissed.

Frantically, she restrained her offending hand with the other. Realising that both hands had offended, she swapped, and then swapped back, and eventually pretzel-looped them together behind her back.

Was she… aroused? At her own body?

Pidge’s mind spun with the possibilities. Was this something to do with Shiro? Was Shiro attracted to her? But no, that couldn’t be right – Pidge had felt his feelings towards her when they shared a mind, and they were as platonic and sexless as a desk-lamp. This was entirely on Pidge.

“Oh no,” Pidge moaned, freeing her hands to let her face fall into them. “I’m a narcissist.”

There was no other way to explain it – she was attracted to herself. She, as Shiro, wanted to molest herself.

Unless…

The truth, as it often was, was obvious from afar, but Pidge’s mind refused to recognize it. Like a gigantic hammer on a mile-long pendulum, it hung overhead and somewhere in front of her, and with every second she thought about it, it rushed towards her with the strength of an avalanche. She was still completely oblivious when it hit her between the eyes.

She wasn’t attracted to herself. She was attracted to Shiro.

She didn’t want to grope herself. She wanted Shiro to do it.

The thought was horrifying, embarrassing, and shocking. She could not accept it, and would not indulge it. She was in a unique situation here, and she would not take advantage of it.

But then…

This was a one-off situation. Shiro was nowhere to be found – this was just between Pidge and Pidge. He would never know.

Looking around with a rapidly pounding heart, she checked that her bedroom door was still locked. Stalling for just a moment, she hooked her fingertips beneath Shiro’s shirt… and then started to lift it.

***

As she stripped down, Pidge was very appreciative of her bedroom mirror. She’d imagined Shiro’s body before (though she’d never admit it), but the reality exceeded those fantasies in ever way.

As she peeled off his shirt, she couldn’t help but gasp at his sleek, firm chest. It was strong but not brutish, like a marble statue. Shiro was usually protective of his naked shoulder, where his flesh met the Galra metal that made his arm, but here it was. With slow, delicate awe, Pidge traced the line where the two merged.

She couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt. She had no right to see Shiro’s body like this. She had no right to any of it. But her arousal pumped through this new body, and drowned out everything else.

By the time Pidge pulled down Shiro’s pants, he was already fully erect. She didn’t know what swayed her more: seeing the outline of his hard cock through his briefs, or feeling it straining to burst free. Equal parts eager and cautious, she pulled down his last piece of clothing, and saw Shiro’s cock in all its glory.

Alright, now was the time for her to stop kidding herself. Pidge had definitely imaged seeing this before. She’d tried to resist, but on those nights alone in her bunk, worked up and flustered after a long days training with him, those thoughts had come. She’d imagined wrapping her hands around his length, taking him in her mouth. She’d tried to deceive herself, as her breathing grew rapid and her hand worked between her legs, that she wasn’t thinking about her team-mate that way, but in the moment of climax, it was always Shiro she saw.

Of course, those fantasies always had one big flaw. Pidge had never, actually… well, done anything. Not like that. She’d thought thoughts, she’d read stories, heck she’d watched some holo-tapes in her time. But this was, in a weird way, her first. And she didn’t want her first touch of a cock to be through Shiro’s hands.

Almost painfully aroused, Pidge moved over to her bed and threw the covers off of her unconscious body. If she wasn’t already in dubious moral territory, she thought, she was moving into it now. Did she have to worry about consent, if it was her own passed-out body? Was this assault, or some weird quiznaked-up kind of masturbation?

These thoughts bounded around her head, but she didn’t stop to consider them. Instead she grabbed one of her body’s hands and, marvelling at how soft it was, wrapped it around Shiro’s cock.

Pidge gasped as she pumped Shiro’s cock with her hand. Was this how it felt? Every stroke sent warm shivers running through her, and she found herself doubling over in pleasure. Her hand was so soft against Shiro’s skin; she tightened her grip around it and pumped faster.

She needed more.

Pidge was barely thinking. Her mind had shrunk to this one present of pure pleasure and instinct. Only faintly aware of how her heavy breaths echoed around the room, Pidge climbed on top of her original body and pulled her clothes aside with frantic hands.

She needed Shiro’s body all over her. She reached Shiro’s hand up under her shirt, letting it trace along her skin, push up under her bra to hold her breasts. She brought his lips to the bare skin of her stomach, and traced them lower, pulling her shorts down so viciously that she feared she’d rip them. Pushing her legs apart, she tasted herself with Shiro’s tongue, and felt Shiro’s body shudder in response. Nobody, no man or woman, had been here on Pidge’s body before, and though maybe not in the circumstances she’d imagined, she was glad it was Shiro first.

Pidge felt a wave of tingling warmth rising in Shiro’s body, and knew that she was already ready to come. An image from her fantasies appeared in her mind, and she acted on it before she could think.

Pulling herself up over her body, Pidge lifted the back of her own head with one hand, and with the other guided Shiro’s cock into her mouth. She moaned as she felt the warm wetness against his cock, and thrust back and forth, operating entirely by instinct. She felt her tongue slide against the head of his cock, faster now, faster, and felt that wave of pleasure rising up to overcome her.

She thrust again, again, and realised suddenly that she’d stopped breathing as she neared climax. The world shrunk ever closer to just here and now and she began to grow light headed, whether from pleasure or lack of oxygen she couldn’t tell. She thrust Shiro’s cock once more into her mouth, and spasmed as she reached the moment of no return.

Gasping desperately, Pidge had just enough time to pull her cock back from the back of her throat. The pleasure shot through her body like a lightning bolt as she felt Shiro’s cock spasm. The first shot of semen came when she was only half-way out, and shot onto Pidge’s waiting tongue. The second came a second later, and went with surprising power over Pidge’s face, skimming over her cheeks to catch in her hair. The third and final shot, a moment later, went squarely onto the lenses of Pidge’s glasses.

Pidge lay back on her heels, panting hard, throwing one hand out to the wall to steady herself. She took hard, rapid breaths, bring herself back to consciousness. She looked down on herself, naked and hard in Shiro’s body, glowering over her own unconscious and cum-spattered body. As the waves of euphoria passed out of her, realisation rushed back on.

“Oh quiznack,” she thought. “What have I done?”

**Author's Note:**

> This is all I've written so far, but I'm very tempted to keep going. If I do, it's going to get dubious, it's going to get weird, and it's going to get very difficult to choose what names to use. There will be mistaken identity, double-mistaken identity, there will be sordid affairs and unintentional boundary-crossing. It's gonna be great.
> 
> The title of this work refers to the characters thoughts, but they might as well refer to mine too.


End file.
